Sunday, February 14, 2010

Thoughts on Valentines, Love, and Marriage

(Lady Astor to Winston Churchill) "Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink."
(Churchill's reply) "Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it."

When I was thinking about the books Committed by Elizabeth Gilbert (my review here) and Brava, Valentine by Adriana Trigiani (my review here) in order to write my reviews, I realized how different the authors' views are on love and marriage. Gilbert wrote such negatively about the subject. So, it was refreshing to read Trigiani's book and see that maybe I wasn't the only one who felt differently. I'd like to share with you some quotes from Brava, Valentine that made me want to jump up and thank Trigiani for writing such true words.

Even though this is a work of fiction, there are many great insights in it about love and marriage:

"I try to let go of the old habits and prejudices I have about love in order to make room for the mystery. I don't have any control over what will happen. I'd like to know where this (relationship) is going because I don't want to get hurt again, but I don't have any control over that either. I have to accept that I don't know where this leads - I have to be bold about it and move toward happiness and trust that everything will work out the way it is supposed to."

"Oh, now you have to sacrifice for me -"
"What do you think a relationship is, Valentina?"
"Evidently, I have no idea!"
"Finally the truth! You've treated me poorly. Maybe you expected me to take it, but I've had far too good a life to spend what's left of it waiting around for you to grow up."

"I know exactly what will happen to me if I stay on course, if I choose never to trust anyone. I'll wind up all alone in assisted living wearing a muumuu and bunion pads, nursing a highball with nothing but my bitter thoughts to keep me company."

"Trust means I can be secure in the knowledge that no harm will come to my heart. Trust means we will figure out a life plan that includes his dreams and mine. Trust means I have someone who loves me and is on my side even when I fail, come up short, or do something rash."

Hmmmmm...... Isn't that what it's all about? Sacrifice, trust, letting go? I'm so glad I have entrusted my heart to someone who has done the same for me. Yes, we have our problems and struggles, but in the end, I know we will be committed to each other and love one another no matter what. That may seem naive to you, but if I am to choose between trust and a life lived in bitter loneliness, I'll choose trust. And if it means a little pain along the way, so be it. I love because without it, I am most miserable. And marriage is the way we choose to demonstrate that trust and sacrifice. We have now been married for 28 years, and I have never regretted it. I am in it for the long haul!

How about you? How would you define love? Are you married? If not, do you want to be? What are your ideas about trust, sacrifice, and committment? Please leave a comment and let me know.

Happy Valentine's Day and may you find love (and commitment) wherever you are!

1 comment:

hopeinbrazil said...

I appreciated your thoughts. My husband and I reached the 25 year milestone this year and, yes, we are in it for the long haul, accepting the struggles as well as the blessings.